Drunken Popcorn

food-686925_640  TeJyung @ pixabay.comIn the interest of getting something up here, I’ve elected not to continue staring blankly at the huge writer’s block that’s sitting in between me and blogging about my time in Europe.

Seriously.  Not getting any work done on that.  It’s just turning me into a drooling idiot.

So, today I will be writing about last night, which starts with me drinking.

I was not drinking particularly heavily, but I was drinking alone, which amounts to the same thing with me.  Drinking alone depresses me, so I try not to do it.  However, if I waited around for people to drink with, I’d never drink at all.

Some would say this is not a bad thing.  Those people clearly unaware of the health benefits of alcohol.

Anyway, around 10ish, which is depressingly late for this household, I said to myself, “Hm…I want popcorn.  But I don’t want to make popcorn in the popcorn popper – I wanna make it on the stove.”

Why?  I don’t know.  I’d forcibly shut off my brain at this point.  Popcorn on the stove seemed like a grand idea, so popcorn on the stove it was.

Now, what I WANT to say is that I tried to make popcorn on the stove and put too many kernels in the pan, which popped and popped until they spilled out of the pot.  They promptly caught fire on the gas burner, causing the pot to leap into flames, while still popping popcorn.  I was forced to use the sink sprayer and my ingenuity to save the entire house from burning down.  This cost me the kitchen light and filled the kitchen full of very charred popcorn, which I had to shovel outside with a snow shovel.

That’s what I’d LIKE to say.  Truth told, nothing happened.  The popcorn popped fine.  I didn’t burn a single kernel.  It’s a really dull story, but it’s the truth.  And since my relatives read this blog, it had better be the truth, because sooner or later I’m gonna hear about it.

So, made popcorn.  Now, what to put on it.  I’m tired of just plain salt and butter, so how about – my still slightly drunk brain thinks – something barbecue-ish.

What should have happened is another one of those “spaghetti and custard” ideas that is right up there with the time I thought a ham and grape jelly omelet would be tasty or the time I turned a ground beef into meat paste and thought that Worcestershire sauce would fix it.

Unfortunately, that’s not what happened.  Sure, the barbecue “sauce” didn’t quite pan out – honey isn’t the best form of sugar to mix this sort of thing with – but quite honestly all it did was clump up and didn’t spread over the popcorn evenly.

Somewhat concerned about this clumping, I added bacon bits.  I was more or less sober again at this point, but how I thought it was going to fix it, I don’t know.  Bacon improves everything, I guess.

The end result wasn’t too bad.  There were lots of lumps of honey loaded with paprika and chili powder and some of the popcorn didn’t have any sauce on it at all, but it was still pretty good.  Well, pretty good might be pushing it.  It was okay.  I ate most of the popcorn and all of the bacon bits.

Point is, I did something last night.  It wasn’t exciting or funny, but it was something.  I even have something to show for it:

A Recipe for Drunken Popcorn

popcorn (as much as you feel you want to eat)

bacon bits

1/4 tsp paprika

1/4 tsp Ancho chili powder

1/8 tsp ginger

pinch of Cayenne pepper

1 tsp of honey

2 tbsp of olive oil

1/2 tsp salt

Pop popcorn, then add bacon bits.  In a microwave safe bowl, mix spices, salt, honey and oil.  Microwave 30 seconds, then drizzle over popcorn/bacon bits.  (Note: don’t expect it actually drizzle.  It just sort of clumps.)  Mix thoroughly.  (There is no way to mix it thoroughly enough.)

Eat while inebriated.


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